Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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