This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
