That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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