if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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