Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
