I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Watching her eat just hurts me
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
