i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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