hell yes lets make some ravioli
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My ass is underappreciated
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
