his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
high people should be assigned attendants
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
