I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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