I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
