I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize