The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
