just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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