You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
