I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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