the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
sarcasm needs its own font
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize