You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
