toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
