Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
