I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
