i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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