did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
