Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize