It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize