today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
there is another microwave in the elevator.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
