Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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