theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
