OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
being pregnant is like rehab
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize