if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
