She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This is classic penis vs brain.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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