what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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