Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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