you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
