She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize