You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
