Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
