Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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