I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize