Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
