I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
