:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize