Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
