It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I had to cum in my sink.
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