Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
