This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm sobbing to NWA
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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