sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
