I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
3pm strippers are depressing
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
