Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
