hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
