does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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