Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
