he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
