I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
