Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
