cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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