You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Drunk is not a location!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
