i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize