I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize