Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
