OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
