My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
