my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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