Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
