From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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