do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
