we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize