Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
