like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
