are you still at the devil's house?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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