so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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