I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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