Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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