Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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