Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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