Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
