Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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