With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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