oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
