Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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