sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize