I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
