He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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