We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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