If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
