so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize