I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
