Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
