the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
