I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
