I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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