I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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