What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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