I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
