She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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