Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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