Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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