He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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