Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
