i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
