You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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