You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
