he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
