I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
