How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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