It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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