I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I understand Curling. That high.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
