Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize