last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
