i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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