college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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