I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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