i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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