he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
