I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
