I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
