Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
