Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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