Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
